a perfect situation

This is a page in my continuous cancer journal. 

I started this journey in late March of this year, six months ago. Until the colonoscopy, it was easy to be in denial. 

For decades prior to the tumor, I said I do not want to know if I have cancer because I do not want my life to become all about that. I do not want to be seen and treated as a cancer survivor. I do not want to endure chemotherapy. If I get cancer, you will know from the autopsy. 

That is what I said. I own it. That is still where I stand today. 

This online cancer journal is a perfect situation. I get to live my life each day like I normally would. And the people who worry about me have a place to go to find out what's going on with regard to my diagnoses. Plural. Two cancers were found. Two types, two systems. Sigh. 

If you have been following my cancer journey via this blog, then you already know the most important thing there is to know: I don't want to talk about it. 

Today, I am writing chapter nine of my Touch The Dream volume of 11D Zenyan Mythology. Ask me about that. Don't ask me about the lymphoma. I already reported in my last post at this blogspot that a new swollen lymph node appeared. It upset me greatly, if you want to know the truth. Cancer is hard to live with. Hard to ignore. Helen told me to ignore it. Her oncologist told her to ignore it. I'm trying. Some days I am much more successful at that! Like when I go for a long hike in nature. My happy place.

October is about the next colonoscopy. I expect they will find and remove polyps. I had a big friggin tumor in my colon at the sigmoid area, that is as far as they could see in March. They did not want to distress the tumor by pushing the scope through the small hole (about the size of a U.S. nickel). So, now that the surgery is healed, they strongly recommend that I return for the remainder of my colon to get checked. And I agreed. The procedure is not too invasive, not intolerable. It is not wretched. For me.

The colonoscopy is on the 21st. A week prior I will start preparing to cleanse the colon by switching to a soft foods, low fiber diet for four days, then two days of clear liquids only and the prescribed cleanse drink (ugh, the worst part -- last time I could not keep it down, this time they've prescribed something different, a two-day smaller dose). 

Not looking forward to it. 

I have 11 days of freedom to enjoy my normal routines. 

Eleven days of letting my mind wander. Daydreaming intensely. Writing intensely. This is no mere escapism. I have a purpose here. I am a catalyst. I am a change bringer. It's in my DNA. I am a storyteller. It is my JOB to spell out this new mythology and neatly package it. I have no doubt that Zenya will be to the future what Alice is to the present. And even more than that, I have no doubt that these ideas will liberate thousands of readers. Free them from fear. Free them from ego. Dunk them in Zen. 

I could not achieve what I am meant to achieve if not for the sheer fact there is power in saying so. I stand before you, a writer. It is a potent force of nature, writing. Being an author. Speaking with authority, as if you know things. I am writing fiction. Science fantasy fiction. What do you think mythology was at the time those stories were spoken or written? 

This blogspot is a perfect situation. I can dump the cancer data and move on. I do not have to talk about it over and over and over, texts, social posts, or phone. Whew! 

THANK YOU FOR SUPPORTING ME! If you are reading this, you are supporting me by check here for updates, as I had initially asked everyone to do, instead of asking me about it. ❤

me & my honeybear
early morning hike
Wildwood Canyon
9.30.25
❤