bye sweet smudge kitty

Two days ago we had to say goodbye to our favorite kitty, Smudge. She was such a sweet cat. We had her in our lives for 13 years, along with her sister Puzzle and brother Bittle. The three of them were found on June 10, 2012, in the shade of my giant sunflowers, in our back yard in Tarzana, California. 

Smudge always slept at the foot of the bed. She was the most aloof of the three, until after the wildfire that changed all our lives. It was a terrifying night that started when we woke at 3 AM and the power was out. It was very dark inside and it was very smoky outside. An orange-red glow was on the hill. The wind was gusting 60-80 mph. Big embers were getting blown into our neighborhood, landing on rooftops. We had to get out of there fast and we could not find the kitties in the dark. We did not have time--we also had to get my mother-in-law up and get her to safety, and also an elderly neighbor who lived alone across the street wandered out into the smoke in her nightgown. I made a split decision that the cats had a better chance of survival indoors, and so we locked the door and drove away. 

Long story short, our street survived the Tubbs Fire, which was the most destructive in California history due to the number of homes and commercial buildings it destroyed. Entire neighborhoods were burnt to the ground. 

We thought we had lost everything because the early morning news report specifically stated that Journeys End Mobile Home Park was "completely destroyed". In the darkness, with huge orange, yellow and red flames, that is how it looked. However, my husband had to see for himself how bad the damage was and he managed to get back there the following afternoon. He had to park far away and walk to our house. As he approached, he saw the kitties in the window, looking out, and texted me that they were okay. 

The next day, I went with him to get the kitties and take them to a kennel, and to get more of our personal belongings, as we would have to stay in a hotel for a while. When I sat down inside the house, Smudge came and sat on my lap. She had never done that in five years. She had always been the most independent, somewhat timid, did not like to be held or picked up, and would only sleep by our feet on the bed. So this was really telling--she was obviously so glad to see us! 

They had been through quite an ordeal, I imagine, with the roar of the fire hoses beating at our house for hours, the smell of smoke, it's possible the smoke alarms were sounding. I imagine the three of them huddled together in the back of the closet. When daylight came and the noise stopped, it must have gotten very quiet as firefighters moved on to other areas. They probably still had food and water, since I always left that out for them. 

Smudge was more affectionate with us ever since the fire. She liked it when I held her like a baby. She would often lay on my lap. We shared a bond from that day forward--we had all survived a horror. 

Three days in a kennel was very distressing for them, but at least they were together in the cage. Then we had to drive for two days to relocate--the wildfire was still raging, the area was terribly smoky, and about 20,000 people had been displaced. 

We stayed in a hotel with three cats. Finally, we found a condo in a suitable location at an affordable price. It took about 30 days to close escrow and we moved in six weeks after the fire. This condo has been their home since November 2017. They were five years old then. Now they are thirteen years old.

Thirteen is not very old for cats, but it is senior and sometimes cats develop health issues this young. Smudge was suddenly having some problems, with oral bleeding being the symptom that drew our attention to it. My son took her to an animal clinic and they did some blood tests and said she had hyperthyroidism and would not survive anesthesia. They prescribed a pill that he crushed and gave to her twice daily in her food, and for almost three weeks it seemed that once the medication stabilized her condition she could have oral surgery to remove a bad tooth and help repair the gums, and we expected her to go on being a happy cat for years. 

It is not easy to share your home with three cats. As everyone knows, these mysterious creatures are nocturnal and tend to become active before sunrise--often they wake humans when they get the zoomies at 4 AM. It is hard to get a good night's sleep. You can lock them outside your bedroom, and they will sit outside and meow loudly, jump at the doorknob, and scratch to try to get in. So why do people keep cats when they can be so disruptive to our sleep? There's just something about the bond of having them curl up with you and purr. Their curiosity and antics are entertaining. They are soft, warm, and quiet. They are mostly independent. All they need is a litter box and to be fed daily. 

My husband and I moved to a retirement community out in the desert in 2021, and my adult son lives in the condo with the kitties. When he travels, we come and take care of the kitties. 

I thought the hardest part of this would be getting her to take the thyroid medication, but she took a sudden turn for the worse and was unable to eat or drink. I took her to the clinic and they found that a large tumor had grown on her tongue, an aggressive cancer that wasn't seen a month earlier. Her tongue was swollen, pushing on the bad tooth, causing terrible pain and making it difficult for her to use her mouth or swallow. The vet said there was no treatment that could restore her quality of life and she was suffering, so we discussed in-home euthanasia. I asked her to give Smudge a pain relief injection and they also provided fluids under her skin, a B12 shot, and an anti-nausea med because she had vomited overnight and it looked a little bloody to me. I brought her home and with the pain relief, as seen in this photo, she made a serious effort to get some food into her belly. She had not eaten more than a tablespoon in two days, so she was super hungry, and she worked on it for four hours. It was heartbreaking to see her like this. I couldn't do much for her, just be with her, pet her as much as she wanted, keep refreshing the bowl of water as she would dip her face into it and it would get very messy. 

The vet came to our home in the afternoon and sedated her. We held her and talked to her lovingly. My son made time to step out and called from his business convention, and the sound of his voice was definitely comforting to her--she started opening and closing her paws, "making biscuits". She was feeling pretty good at that moment, with him talking softly and sweetly to her, the sedative relieving her discomfort, laying on my husband's lap and both of us were lightly petting her back and head. 

After we said our goodbyes, the doc gave her the second dose and within minutes her heart stopped. We cried. The doc pressed her paw into some soft clay as a memorial gift. We laid her on a blanket on the floor and let her brother and sister approach. This helps cats who have spent years together, to see their friend like this, to sense that they are gone. 

As Bittle started licking her, I started recording so that my son could see how the cats reacted. 

Bittle and I have just been sitting together, hanging out, for the better part of two days since we said goodbye to Smudge. He did not have any interest in food yesterday. He just moped, laid on my lap, and was unusually quiet. He is generally a very talkative cat, but not since this. He did eat this morning, and he talked to me a little bit, and I have been talking to him in happy tones, reassuring him that it's okay, saying all the familiar things to him, "You're such a good kitty!" Rubbing his head and belly. We're both still feeling it, but we'll both be all right soon. 

Smudge was the softest. Her fur was like a bunny rabbit! I loved her so much. Bye sweet kitty. 

More videos of our three kittens and their adventures growing up together can be found at YouTube - Our Tarzana Kitties playlist.